ACTIVE LISTENING: HOW TO BETTER COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR STUDENT

Notes from the Mentor Development Session led by Dr. Lee & Minnie Dukes.

Listening can change people. So many of our children, in particular, just need someone to listen to them, to make them feel important by caring what they have to say. So why don’t we listen more? Because listening is hard work.  

Active Listening is a practice of listening in a way that assures the listener “that they have been understood and their feelings appreciated.” It is using your whole self to listen, looking for physical cues, listening to the actual words as well as the tone being used, and paying attention to what your intuition is telling you.

In Active Listening, you focus completely on the speaker and try to hear what they are truly telling you. In response, you simply summarize the facts and/or emotions contained in what they are telling you, without interpreting or commenting on them. You tell the speaker what they told you in order to show that you truly understand what they are saying.

Some tips to improve your listening skills:

·        Be engaged physically – appear to listen. This shows your listener you want to hear what they have to say.

·        Be careful not to be judgmental, interrupt, or interject. This allows your listener the opportunity to talk more freely and to share more with you.

·        While you do want to show that you are paying attention, you don’t always need to use a lot of words. Words can get in the way. A simple nodding of the head or an encouraging smile can show you are engaged without interrupting the speaker.

·        Be careful not to try to interpret what the other person is saying; simply hear what they are telling you. You will be tempted to put your own experience into what the other person is saying, but that takes the focus off of them and onto you.

·        If your student is resisting your attempts to create a closer relationship, respect the resistance. By showing that you respect the student’s choice to talk or not to talk, the resistance will slowly dissipate as they learn that they can trust you.

·        People “shut down” emotionally when they feel they cannot trust you or that you do not trust them. It is important that you show yourself trustworthy.

·        Mentoring is a relationship of care. It is your consistency (simply being there) that brings change – not something you can say.